


The Survivor System

by shnuffeluv



Category: NCIS
Genre: Ableism, Children, Dissociation, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, McGee-centric, Mental Health Issues, Multiplicity/Plurality, OSDD-1B, Secret Children, Writing From Experience, internalized ableism, we just project a lot okay?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: They call themselves The Survivor System, because that's what they did.They survived childhood.They survived puberty.They survived college.They even survived work....Well, that last one needed some tweaking, seeing as Tim opened his big fat mouth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was disappointed at the number of fanfics that went into having a system, and how little of them felt...accurate. So we (Muse and I) decided to do something about it. Enjoy some of the insanity of what we think might have happened if our favorite system protector was the host of a system all his own.

### Main Fronts:

     

* * *

Tim couldn’t believe it. Out of all the ways everyone could have found out about the others, out of being shot and or poisoned or in generally life-threatening situations when Clara would come out, or being stuck around kids enough that Luca wormed his way into control, _he_ slipped up. Him, the very person he insisted to the other people he lived with who wouldn’t spill the beans. All those years he had insisted that he be at front alone, gone to the wind, because when he was tired and reading over e-mails, he muttered, “What do you think of this, Clara?”

Tony laughed at him and Bishop had looked over with curiosity. “Who’s Clara, Probie?” Tony teased. “Skyping a girlfriend on the clock?”

Tim had sat up and blinked sleep out of his eyes. It had to be at least 20:00, he could barely think straight and he had come in early this morning to get an edge on the case they were working. “Hm?”

“Clara?” Tony said expectantly.

Even though Tim’s blood was turning to ice at his little slip up, he feigned innocence. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You were asking a Clara what she thought about what you were looking at. Normally I’d be more interested in what you were reading, but this is much more interesting,” Tony said, standing up and sauntering over.

Tim craned his neck up and felt Clara standing behind him, waiting for the opportunity to switch to front. “Yeah?” he asked. “My half-asleep brain just saying whatever pops into it is more interesting than the case Gibbs is busting our butts over?”

Tony grinned and Tim felt himself shoved into headspace. Clara knew what someone looming over them and smiling meant, and it was never anything good. She stood so quickly her chair slammed into the partition that was a few feet behind it. “Leave me alone,” she growled.

“Grouchy Probie,” Tony tutted. “You really must not have slept well last night.”

Clara stiffened and her hands balled into fists. “Just. Drop. It,” she warned.

Tony looked down at her fists and laughed. “Or what? You gonna slug me? Go on, do it! I dare you!”

Bishop said something but Clara couldn’t hear it over the wall she put up between the body and the emotions that came with this taunting, this... _harassment_. Clara wasn’t going to stand around and be mocked if she could help it. She brought a fist back and threw it forward straight into Tony’s eye. She had wanted to do that for a decade now. Her triumphant grin only lasted a second before she saw Gibbs leaning on the partition on the other side of the bullpen. And he was smirking. “Crap,” she muttered.

“Tried to warn you,” Bishop said in that ‘I-told-you-so’ voice.

Gibbs walked over and looked at Tony, stunned on the floor with a hand up to his eye. “Nice shot,” was all he said.

The hairs on the back of Clara’s neck stood up and she resisted the urge to try and smooth them out. “I guess,” she said noncommittally.

“Yeah,” Gibbs laughed. “Could have been better but it shows a lot of improvement over the ten years you’ve worked on the team.”

Clara swallowed and looked at Gibbs, then down at Tony, then back at Gibbs. She nodded without another word.

“Yeah, I just have one question...” Gibbs said with a laugh, before the smirk dropped and he scowled at her. “Why did your voice jump up half an octave when you stood up?”

Clara froze. She was the protector of the system, she wasn’t equipped to handle coming out to Tim’s coworkers. “Ah...I guess it’s because...Tim left the building?” Tim smacked her on the back of the head in headspace and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, I forced him away so I could deal with this clown.” She gestured to Tony at the end.

“So...where’s Tim then?” Gibbs asked.

“Right behind me up here,” Clara said, tapping her temple. “Currently giving me the death stare, but I mean, he’s the one who screwed up, _I’ve_ wanted to front at work for years now so you guys could get used to this and this line of questioning wouldn’t happen.”

Gibbs stared at her, his eyes doing the subtle squint where he said he needed more information. Clara held up a finger and pulled her chair up to her desk, pulling up a webpage about systems on the computer, before taking the clicker from below the TV and pulling up her screen. “It’s called a system. Clinically known as Dissociative Identity Disorder, Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder, or Unspecified Dissociative Disorder. Long story short, at a young age a child will create alternate personalities, or ‘alters’ who usually protect the original from trauma. Tim happens to be the host of our lovely little system, dubbed ‘The Survivor System’ because whether or not we were definitively formed via trauma, we were formed to survive childhood and beyond.”

Tony opened his mouth and said the last word Clara wanted to hear. “You mean like in ‘Psycho’?”

Clara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, pushing Raven away from the front as much as she could. “No, although one of our alters is very keen to hurt you because of that comment. You can’t believe everything you see in the movies, Tones.”

Tony wrinkled his nose. “My name’s _Tony_.”

“What, does the nickname ‘Tones’ irritate you?” Clara asked, arching her eyebrows.

“Yes!” Tony exclaimed.

Clara grinned. “Good. Now shut up, Tones, something tells me boss-man and our favorite chess piece have questions.”

“Chess piece?” Bishop asked.

“Sorry, do you not like that?” Clara asked. “It’s what I mentally dubbed you the second we met you.”

“No, no! It’s just...you’ve never called me that before?” Bishop asked.

“Well, not to your face,” Clara said, leaning back in her chair. “Tim insists on fronting at work ninety-nine percent of the time. The other one percent he’s in mortal danger. And then he insists on fronting, I just overrule him.”

Bishop blinked but otherwise didn’t respond, and Clara steepled her fingers against her mouth in a prayer position before pointing them at Bishop. “Okay. You and your husband Jake, you’re different people, right?”

“Of course,” Bishop said like it was obvious.

“See, the thing with us and our diagnosis, is that we’re kinda like how you and Jake might be, except we happen to share a body. And because we’re OSDD-1B, we also share memories. No amnesiac barriers for us,” Clara explained. “But we’re still different people, with different opinions, different ideas, different personalities. So when you say I’ve never called you that before, it’s somewhat true, but only because we’ve never properly met. But you say it as if Tim and I are the same person, which simply isn’t.”

“I’m...confused,” Bishop said.

Clara laughed. “Imagine how we felt when we discovered each others’ voices weren’t a normal thing people hear in their heads!”

Bishop smiled. “Was it scary?”

Clara shrugged as Gibbs cleared his throat. “So. You’re the one who punched Tony, not Tim?”

“No, Tim’s actually very gentle. I’m the protector, so I can be seen as rather aggressive, but that’s just to people who are behaving in a threatening manner.”

“Like Tony was when he was leaning over you,” Gibbs supplied.

Clara showed her agreement with a nod. “Exactly.”

Gibbs nodded. “So...can I speak to Tim again?” he asked. “He has some explaining to do as well.”

Clara tilted her head to the side. “Depends. Are you going to yell or threaten him? Because if you do, I’ll front again and not let him out if you’re around. I can do the job just as well as he does.”

“I’m not going to yell. I _am_ going to demand he explain why he didn’t say anything before, but that’s it.”

Clara considered that information before shrugging and leaving front. Tim blinked once, twice. He always felt a little disoriented just shoved into front. He looked around, noticed Tony still on the ground, and groaned. “Clara, _this_ is why I don’t let you front.”

“Tim? You with us?” Gibbs asked.

“Yeah,” Tim sighed. “Sorry about Clara, she’s very overprotective so--”

“McGee,” Gibbs said, voice dropping to a deadly whisper. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Um...I do?” Tim asked.

Gibbs just gave him an unamused stare.

“Right. Uh, well, I’m the host of The Survivor System, was sorta designed to be the host? In a way. Um, there’s seven of us: me, Clara, Raven, Alex, Luca, Tom, and The Doctor. Each of us have a role, and together we form what we suppose would be a normal functioning person, we’re just not. Together.”

“Not the explanation I was going for,” Gibbs said quietly.

“Then...what...were...you...?”

“How about _why you told none of us this in the first place?!_ ” Gibbs hissed.

“Oh! Well, uh, I thought Tony’s _Psycho_ reaction spoke for itself,” Tim said. “We’re not like that, but almost everyone sees us as violent or the same person, or in the worst cases, both.”

Bishop made a disbelieving noise in her throat. “You? Come on, you’re one of the sweetest people I know.”

“You’ve clearly never met Luca,” Tim laughed. “Raven is the only one who could be seen as violent by our system. She’s a persecutor. And persecutors are often described as...misguided protectors. They try to protect themselves or an abuser. Usually both, in a way, because they model themselves either after an abuser or what that abuser wants them to be in an attempt to please them. And everyone else is their enemy, most of the time. Which is why we don’t let her front. She has the potential to be really destructive.”

“So you have... _two_ psycho chicks in your head,” Tony supplied. “The one who punched me and the one who wants to kill me.”

“They’re not psychotic, Tony. They’re aggressive at worst, and if you treat Clara well she won’t hurt you, just snark back at your comments. Raven...well, like I said, we don’t let Raven front.”

“So _one_ psycho chick?” Tony supplied.

 _“Call me psycho one more time and I’ll guarantee that you won’t be going home in one piece!”_ Raven snapped in headspace.

“Oh, shut up, Raven, you’re not breaking Tony’s arms or legs,” Tim muttered out loud.

“ _WHAT?!_ ” Tony yelped.

Tim turned to Gibbs. “Actually, boss, if it’s all the same to you, it’s eight o’clock and I really should go home before someone snaps at me for not resting at all today.”

Gibbs nodded. “I _was_ going to tell everyone to go home. Then Clara slugged Tony. I want to see you tomorrow, and Clara if she’s willing to talk.”

“Got it, boss,” Tim said, nodding and grabbing his stuff.

Bishop followed him to the elevator. “So...you’re really not alone in your head?”

Tim smirked. “Truth be told, I don’t even call it _my_ head. It’s everyone up here’s head, not just mine.”

“And what was this you said about Luca?” Bishop asked. “Isn’t that the name of Abby’s brother?”

“Also the name of our one and only system little,” Tim said as they got in the elevator. “He’s...he’s a handful. A toddler, actually, it’s kind of scary when he gets close to front at work, because we really don’t need a toddler running around with a gun.”

“Oh. My gosh. No, that would be horrible,” Bishop laughed. “Still, I’d like to meet him.”

Tim laughed. “You say that _now_ , sure.”

“You said he was even sweeter than you!” Bishop protested.

“Yeah, but he’s also the most easily suspicious out of all of us, except _maybe_ Raven. And that’s a strong maybe.”

Bishop hummed in thought. “I like kids, though,” she said. “They can be a bit messy but they’re generally nice, they don’t know about how dark the world can be. That’s something that I wish I could experience.”

“Me too,” Tim sighed. “Believe me, me too.”


	2. Chapter 2

### Main Fronts:

Tim came into work the next morning heavily on edge. He really didn’t want to have a full in-depth therapy session with Gibbs of all people, but he knew there was no way around it. Raven was uncharacteristically silent, although he could sense she was still waiting around, not dormant. Clara was standing next to him, discussing what they could tell Gibbs if something hit a little too close to home. He didn’t think about where the others were in headspace. It was a bright, naturally lit white-and-cream colored first floor of a house. They’d live.

Gibbs saw him walking out of the elevator and pointed for him to get back in it. Tim sighed and followed the instructions. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now. Gibbs followed him in, and, when they were the only two people in the cabin, turned off the elevator. Tim flinched despite himself. Gibbs seemed a little more terrifying, a little more angry than normal. He wasn’t sure if that was just his perception or if Gibbs really _was_ agitated, and that was riling Tim up more. “Relax, Tim, just wanted somewhere private to talk this through,” Gibbs said quietly.

Tim felt a knot loosen in his chest. It was just his perception. Of course, that usually meant one of the others was cofronting with him and he didn’t realize it, and being on edge meant it was either Tom or Luca, and Luca was the only one who was properly scared by Gibbs, so he couldn’t quite relax yet. “What about?”

“I was thinking we could come up with some sort of way you all could let me know you’ve switched. Nothing complicated, and it doesn’t need to be specific for each person, but I’d like to know when it happens and as soon as possible, know who I’m dealing with,” Gibbs said calmly. “You okay?”

Tim put a hand to his forehead with a grimace and shook his head, but gestured for Gibbs to keep talking. “I can listen well enough, just having a little trouble staying in front.”

“You don’t have to stay there if you can’t, Clara said she could take care of stuff if you’re not around,” Gibbs said.

“It’s...not Clara trying to front...” Tim said between gritted teeth.

“Who, then?” Gibbs asked.

Luca forcibly shoved Tim away from the front controls and rubbed his forehead. Why did Tim always have to try and stop him from fronting around people? All it did was give both of them a headache.

“Tim?” Gibbs asked.

Luca shook his head. Nope. That was not his name anymore. He wasn’t gonna pretend it was.

“Then...who am I speaking to?” Gibbs asked.

Luca yawned. Tim really needed to go to bed earlier, the body felt exhausted. But that wasn’t something he could worry about right now. He was alone, in an elevator, with one of the scariest people he knew. He shrugged. “Nobody,” he whispered.

“Nobody?” Gibbs repeated. “That...that’s your name? Or do you just not wanna talk?”

Luca shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Tim had his gun in its holster and he didn’t like the feel of it hanging on his belt, but Tim and Clara were both telling him to keep it on. They were also telling him to let one of them in control, but he was a little too scared to remember how to leave front. So he at least kept the gun on so he could show he was _trying_ to be good.

“Okay,” Gibbs said, voice going soft. “That’s okay, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” He turned on the elevator. “You’re younger, I can tell. I don’t like forcing kids to do anything.”

Luca found that a bit hard to believe, but silently walked out of the elevator the second it opened and scurried to his desk. He put down his bag and opened the top drawer of his desk, pulling out one of the Klixx toys Tim kept there. He stared longingly at his mushroom chew, but there was no way Gibbs was gonna let him use the pacifier nub for its intended purpose. So he closed the drawer and played with the toy and Gibbs talked to Ellie, who was working at her desk.

The toy made a soft _click, click, click_ as he moved it around and around itself, and he felt just a tiny bit better being able to play. Even with the hushed voices that seemed to surround him everywhere.

But in one second the toy was snatched cruelly from his hands and he was left with nothing to keep himself occupied. He stared in shock at his empty hands before looking up and seeing Tony swinging the toy around on one finger, walking to his desk. Luca grabbed the mushroom chew from his desk, hiding it under his button-up shirt, before going over to Tony, sitting in his chair and still swinging the toy around.

Tony looked up at him expectantly from his chair and Luca froze. He forgot how hard words could be when he got flustered. He pointed to the toy still in Tony’s hands. Tony held it up expectantly. “Yeah? I have this, what’re you gonna do about it?” he asked.

Luca snatched at it, but Tony pulled it away at the last second. “Hey! You can’t take something that isn’t yours!” he said.

“But...? It _is_ mine...” Luca said.

“Actually, considering you found this in _Tim’s_ desk it looks like it’s his. And we can’t have anyone stealing his stuff,” Tony gloated.

“He got it for _me_!” Luca exclaimed, reaching for the Klixx again.

Tony moved it again. “Yeah, sorry kid, if it doesn’t have your name on it it’s not yours.” He shrugged in a helpless manner and said, “But if you can get Tim to come out and talk to me, maybe he can clear things up.”

Luca crossed his arms and stared at the ground, eyes stinging at tears that were threatening to fall. “He can’t. I dunno how to switch front.”

Tony clucked his tongue. “Well I guess you won’t be getting this back, then.”

Luca scowled. “Fine. Keep it for all I care!” he exclaimed, turning and stalking out of the bullpen.

The second he heard someone following him, he picked up the pace until he saw the elevator in the back, and ran towards it, the doors opening like a miracle as he approached. He narrowly dodged someone exiting the doors and slammed the first button he saw on it, the one second to the bottom and pressed the _DOOR CLOSE_ button twenty times until it actually shut him in, just as he saw someone in a nice sweater running up to the door.

Luca wrapped his arms around his stomach and bit back any noise he might have made when he cried. Tony was mean lots to Tim when Tim first came to work here, but he thought the man had gotten better about it. Turns out that Tim must have just gotten used to it.

The elevator doors opened and as he stepped out he was nearly overrun by a certain goth scientist. “Woah! Tim, watch where you’re going! What are you doing down here anyway?” Abby exclaimed.

Luca wiped at his eyes and sniffled. He had forgotten Abby’s lab was down here. “Ab-by?” he asked.

Abby’s eyes widened in realization and she hugged Luca tightly. “Oh, Luca! What happened?! You know it’s not good for you to front when Tim’s working!”

Luca sniffled. “I-I know. B-B-Boss wan-ted to talk to Tim and he was scary and I was a bit too close to front and I saw Tim was in trouble so I didn’t think and now I’m frontstuck and Tony took my Klixx and and and--”

“Hey, take a breath,” Abby said, holding him at arm’s length. “Do you wanna stay in my lab a bit?”

Luca didn’t think twice and nodded furiously. Abby led him in and turned on the music, which he always enjoyed listening to, even if there were no words. He loved the drums. She sat him on one of the spinny chairs and looked him over. “No one hurt you, right?”

“Mhm,” Luca said, then went over the question. “Uh-uh? Mhm? Uh...'m not hurt,” he finally settled on.

Abby grinned and tilted his chin up. “You wouldn’t be questioning how to say that correctly if Tim weren’t somewhere nearby and you were injured,” she said. “So I think you’re better than fine, just a bit frontstuck.”

“Yeah,” Luca said. He pulled out his mushroom and stuck the stem in his mouth giving it a hard bite and a good sucking-on. He needed to self-soothe, and he needed it _now_.

“Now what’s this about Tony stealing your Klixx?” Abby asked.

“Mmph,” Luca spit out the mushroom and let it drop onto his shirt. “He said it was in Tim’s desk so it wasn’t mine, an’ when I said he got it for me, Tony said it needed to have my name on it or he wouldn’t believe me, and he’d only believe Tim saying it was mine if my name wasn’t on it.”

“He did _what_?!” Abby asked. “That is...so not cool! Don’t worry Luca, I can have your Klixx back faster than it takes to say--”

“Knock knock,” Ellie said, walking in. “Hope I’m not interrupting something, I heard talking.”

Luca zeroed in on the multicolored thing in Ellie’s hand and he lit up. “My Klixx!” he exclaimed.

“Gibbs was not happy when Tony said what he’d done,” Ellie said, walking over and handing the Klixx back. “I took that from Tony and tried to catch up to you, but you’re fast.”

“Not fast, ‘m Luca,” he giggled, twirling the pieces around.

Abby laughed. “Still making dad jokes?” she laughed.

Luca looked up at her and flashed a grin. “Tim laughs at ‘em,” he defended.

“So, you’re the infamous Luca,” Ellie said, smiling and sticking her hand out. “Tim told me about you. I guess you already know me, but I’m Ellie.”

“I know,” Luca said, shaking her hand anyway. “I know he also didn’ tell you that I’m a big kid!”

“You are, huh?” Ellie asked. “How big are you?”

“I’m two an’ a half!” Luca exclaimed. “That’s, like, super close to three!”

Ellie giggled. “Wow, you really _are_ a big kid!” she exclaimed. “I hope Tim’s nice to a big kid like you, otherwise we might have to rough ‘im up a little.”

Luca laughed and shook his head. “He’s super nice! He was made to be the host, so he’s made to like people! Even if they make him tired.”

“Well, that’s good,” Ellie said. “I hope we didn’t make you feel too bad upstairs. None of us really knew what to do with you.”

“Oh, if Luca shows up you can just send him down to me!” Abby exclaimed. “I love having him here, and he loves my music!”

“‘S true. I like the drums,” Luca said, swinging his legs.

Ellie looked between Abby and Luca. “So...if you’re sure you’re okay...?” she asked.

“Mhm!” Luca said, sticking the mushroom back in his mouth.

“I’ll take extra good care of him, promise!” Abby exclaimed.

Ellie nodded. “I _do_ need to tell Gibbs where he is, though, so he doesn’t start a building-wide search.”

“Uh-uh!” Luca said, shaking his head.

“Um, Luca’s a bit scared of Gibbs,” Abby said. “Which I find a bit silly, but it’s true.”

“Luca? Gibbs won’t hurt you, I promise. But he wants to know where Tim is, and that means letting him know where _you_ are too. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better about the idea?” Ellie asked.

“Say he can’t come down here and talk to me ‘less I say so,” Luca said firmly. “Otherwise I’ll run ‘gain.”

“Okay...I’ll see what I can do,” Ellie assured.

Luca put up a hand to his head and grimaced as a sharp pain started up. “Alex!” he yelled. “Don’t do that!”

“Luca?” Ellie asked.

“No, Ellie, it’s okay,” Abby assured. “Alex usually tries to front after Luca because Luca clears the way for other people to muscle their way to front for whatever reason.”

“Only problem’s I’m frontstuck,” Luca grumbled.

“Frontstuck?” Ellie asked.

“Exactly like it sounds. He’s stuck at the front of consciousness, and can’t switch with others. They usually have to force him out, causing a headache,” Abby explained.

Luca put both hands up to his head and whined. “ _Hurts_ , Alex! Stop it!”

Abby put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Hey, it’s okay, Luca, it’s okay.”

Alex stiffened and pulled away. “Ugh, of course it’s fine _now_. I swear, Luca just _wants_ to give me a headache. Be right back,” he said, walking out of the lab.

“Hey, wait! Where are you going?” Bishop asked.

Alex stuck his head back in. “Luca didn’t realize it, but the body needs to pee!”

Bishop rolled her eyes. “Come right back when you’re done!”

Alex left without another word to her but muttered, “I make no promises.”


	3. Chapter 3

### Main Fronts:

 

* * *

Alex was wandering the bright orange hallways after he went to the bathroom, looking over everything with interest. “So, this is where you work, eh, Tim? Not bad, not bad, I must admit,” he muttered. “Turned out pretty well for someone who I made purely because I refused to be an adult.”

_“Thanks for the vote of confidence,”_ Tim scoffed.

“Come on, now, I think that’s high praise coming from me,” Alex chuckled, eyes tracing the ceiling. “You know I was never very impressed with adulthood.”

_“Yes, I’m all too aware,”_ Tim sighed. _“That’s why I’m here today. You’re welcome for finally getting Dad to shut up about being responsible, by the way.”_

Alex laughed and swung his arms wide, spinning in a circle. “Dude, being responsible is _boring_. Wanna listen to some punk rock? I wanna listen to some punk rock.”

_“Ugh, please, no,”_ Tim groaned as Alex pulled out his phone and stuck his earbuds in.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the awesomeness of Panic! At the Disco!” Alex laughed, cranking up his favorite album, _Death of a Bachelor_ and getting ready to dance along to the whole thing.

“MCGEE!” a sharp voice called from behind him.

Alex took out one earbud and turned to face the voice, finding Gibbs, nostrils flaring and fists clenched, charging towards him. “Uh, wow. Have you never heard of an indoor voice?” Alex asked as Tim was smacking him in headspace, telling him to shut up.

Gibbs growled. “Come again?”

Alex pointed to his chest and said slowly, “Al- _ex_. Not Tim. Just in case you were wondering.”

Gibbs took a deep breath. “Okay. How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Alex said with a shrug. “That change your perception of me?”

“Not really, just means you’re a punk who _should_ know better rather than someone who just doesn’t care,” Gibbs growled.

“Oh, no, I’m both!” Alex said, laughing. “I both _should_ know better, and don’t care enough to learn. Or, at least, listen to Tim half the time. The whole reason he’s even _here_ is because I decided that I wasn’t going to be Tim anymore.”

_“Alex, shut up, NOW,”_ Tim urged him.

Gibbs worked his jaw and Alex just grinned at him. At least until Gibbs cuffed him on the side of the head. “Ow, what was that for?!” he exclaimed.

_“Tried to warn you,”_ Tim scoffed.

“That was for being a wise-alec,” Gibbs said, before cuffing him again. “And _that_ is for running off without telling anyone where you were going.”

“Running off?” Alex scoffed. “Dude, I’m a seventeen year old in a thirty-six year old’s body. It’s not exactly like you could get me in trouble with anyone.”

“Yeah? How ‘bout Abby?” Gibbs asked.

“Abby doesn’t scare me.”

“How about...getting Tim in trouble with the director for wandering around?” Gibbs asked.

Alex’s jaw dropped. “You wouldn’t dare!” he exclaimed.

“Wouldn’t I?” Gibbs asked. “Come on, you’ve missed an entire morning of work.”

“Oh, yawn!” Alex exclaimed. “Who cares about work when there’s a whole world out there to look at? I want to do something _interesting_ , not sit at a computer all day and pretend to be someone I’m not!”

“Cry me a river, you’re coming upstairs,” Gibbs growled, grabbing Alex’s arm and dragging him to the elevator.

“Hey! Ow!” Alex protested. “Stop it, you’re hurting me!”

He was silently shoved into the elevator and Gibbs closed the doors, pressing the button for the third floor and saying nothing. Alex glowered at him. Gibbs stared at the door and didn’t respond. Alex sighed and put his earbuds back in, playing his favorite music. It was going to be hard to not strangle anyone today.

When he got up to the bullpen he cranked up his music louder and ignored Gibbs, walking to his desk and slouching in his chair, moving the mouse in front of the computers around to get it to wake up. Bishop was staring at him. Tony kept throwing him glances. He hummed along with his music and ignored them.

Tim’s work was _dull_. It was mind-numbing, stupid, useless work that Alex felt was basically pulling teeth. But Tim loved his job. So Alex sucked it up and did it, clicking on the right things and typing the things he was told to in an effort to have Tim keep his job. It wasn’t hard, just repetitive. But Tim had always liked that sort of thing, and even when Alex tried to convince him otherwise, he was dead set on this career path.

A ball of paper hit his head and he stopped working. He blinked once and made sure Raven wasn’t influencing his rage. She wasn’t, so he looked over to where Tony was smiling smugly at him. Alex smiled back, hurling the paper back across the room and growling under his breath as he went back to the mind-numbing work.

It happened again. And again. And again. Alex wasn’t sure about the distance of time between shots, because the work always felt like it took _way_ too long, but he knew paper kept hitting his head and it was driving him up the wall. When it happened the next time, Alex thought he might spontaneously combust from the force of his anger. He turned, glowering at Tony, purposefully picking up every piece of paper and walking over to Tony. “You misplaced these,” he said sweetly, unceremoniously dropping the paper in his lap. “Don’t let it happen again.”

“Wow, grouchy probie,” Tony whistled.

Alex worked his jaw, before pointing to his chest. “I’m Alex. Not Tim. Don’t treat me like him. Unlike Luca? I know how to use our gun.”

“Is that...some sort of euphemism?” Tony asked, arching his eyebrows.

“Nope. Just a good old-fashioned threat to shoot you,” Alex said with a grin, turning on his heel and walking back to his desk.

_“He’s going to kill you,”_ Tim said.

_“So what if he does?”_ Alex retorted. _“Just means I can get physical and the idiot can get what’s coming to him.”_

_“That’s NOT how these things work in the adult world, Alex,”_ Tim said sternly.

“Shut up, Mom,” Alex muttered aloud, settling in to do the mind-numbing work. “Note that you still haven’t switched to front after Luca left, and I’m stuck doing your stupid work.”

_“And whose fault is that?”_ Tim asked. _“Because last I checked, you weren’t allowing anyone else to front.”_

Alex rolled his eyes and continued to work. A click here, a keystroke there, and general boredom all around. He groaned into his hands and rubbed at his temples. “This is taking forever,” he grumbled. “Tim, you idiot, you couldn’t have chosen a more interesting job?”

He felt another paper ball hit him and he growled. “Meet me in the pit, Tony!” Alex yelled at him. “Meet me! In the! Pit!”

“Alex!” Gibbs barked. “Knock it off!”

“He keeps hitting me!” Alex protested.

“He isn’t going to stop just because you yell at him!” Gibbs reasoned.

“He might if I knock his lights out!” Alex threatened.

“He’s right here in the room with you!” Tony reminded.

Alex leaned back in his seat and growled. “I’m not drunk enough for this,” he bemoaned. “Tim, _let me drink_.”

_“Not a chance,”_ Tim laughed.

“You’re seventeen, you’re too young to drink,” Gibbs said matter-of-fact.

“Wasn’t talking to you,” Alex snapped.

Gibbs turned to face Alex, pointing a pen at him. “Watch your attitude. Everyone only sees Tim even when you’re in control, got it? That means if you snap in front of the wrong person, _Tim’s_ gonna pay for it. And you and I both know that you don’t want to get Tim in trouble.”

Alex didn’t respond, mulling the information over. Tim was silent in headspace next to him. Alex sighed. _“Sorry,”_ he eventually told Tim.

_“Don’t worry about it,”_ Tim said. _“You’re just being yourself. I don’t hold it against you.”_

Alex snorted. _“I’m flattered,”_ he deadpanned.

“What are you mouthing?” Tony asked.

Alex glanced over and made a _hm?_ noise, not paying much attention to Tony.

“You’re mouthing words, but not saying anything. And you look like you’re listening to someone.” Tony tilted his head to the side. “Someone the rest of us can’t hear.”

_“Oh, boy, this one’s slow,”_ Tim laughed.

_“I doubt explaining it again would do anything,”_ Alex said. _“So what do we do?”_

_“Shapeshift, maybe? Show who’s fronting?”_ Tim asked.

_“Nah, we both know that’s physically impossible,”_ Alex laughed. _“I like the idea though.”_

Tony was openly staring and Alex shrugged benignly, smiling and turning back to work and talking to Tim the entire time. _“You think Tom would like to write a story about us as shapeshifters?”_ he asked.

_“Oh, probably, but knowing him he’d want it to be a crime novel or a horror story. Not good representation of systems,”_ Tim said.

_“We could write one ourselves,”_ Alex proposed. _“Have him edit it, but have everything else be all us.”_

_“It would still end up a horror flick,”_ Tim said, shaking his head fondly. _“Because Tom would go ballistic.”_

Alex grinned at the computer screen he was staring at. He could see it now. Tom writing furiously at their typewriter, whiting out anything on their manuscript that he didn’t like. In the distance, he could hear Tom protesting that he wouldn’t do that, but they all knew that wasn’t true. Even Luca was giggling and telling Tom that he would!

_“All right, we’ll leave that story for another day, maybe another system,”_ Alex told Tim.

_“Sounds like a plan,”_ Tim agreed.

Alex chuckled and continued working. His mood somewhat lightened, he supposed that this was better than flipping burgers at some fast food place at least. He smirked when he looked over at Tony and got an idea. “Hey, Tony!” he said.

Tony looked over at him expectantly.

“Were you metaphorically pulling on my pigtails earlier to get my attention?” Alex asked sweetly.

_“Alex!”_ Tim protested between laughter.

“...No...?” Tony asked expectantly.

“Shame, you’re kinda hot,” Alex said with a grin, turning back to his work.

Tim was roaring with laughter and high-fived Alex in headspace. _“He’s DEFINITELY going to kill us.”_

_“Meh,”_ Alex said with a shrug. _“One perk about being gay: I don’t have to lie to rile him up.”_

Alex looked over to find Tony still staring at him, jaw shut but eyes bulging. He snickered a bit and continued to work, shaking his head. If Tony was going to be this easy to manipulate, then he might actually have some fun if he ever found himself fronting at work again.

Gibbs cleared his throat and Alex looked up innocently. “Yeah, boss?”

“You. Me. My office,” Gibbs said.

Alex stood and followed Gibbs toward the elevator, glancing at Bishop, who was wincing in sympathy about something or another, and Tony, who was now following Alex eagerly with his eyes, righteous indignation mixing with glee.

Suddenly Alex’s stomach was sinking, and the mantra Tim often told him started to make a lot more sense: The adult world isn’t all like high school, Alex.

He was _so_ screwed.

Gibbs got him in the elevator, and pressed the button for the door to close. No one was in there with them, so the second the doors shut Gibbs turned off the elevator. Alex physically flinched at the quick motion.

There was silence for an eon before Alex actually risked a glance at Gibbs. The man was _ticked_. Beyond ticked, actually. He was words that Alex could never say in front of Luca.

Gibbs took in a breath, then another. Alex winced and wished for someone, anyone, to take front from him. But Clara had dragged Tim away from front so he wouldn’t take the brunt of this, and Luca could never front again when they were at work, let alone when Gibbs was mad. The Doctor looked ready to go into full on _Avenger Mode_ , so that was out, and Tom would most likely make the situation worse.

Raven was standing next to him, telling him to just let her take front, everything would be okay and she could take care of it. Alex didn’t trust Raven as far as he could spit, but right now that was looking very tempting.

“What did you think you were DOING?!” Gibbs roared.

And Alex shut his eyes and sprinted from front.


	4. Chapter 4

### Main Fronts:

* * *

_ Gibbs took in a breath, then another. Alex winced and wished for someone, anyone, to take front from him. But Clara had dragged Tim away from front so he wouldn’t take the brunt of this, and Luca could never front when they were at work, let alone when Gibbs was mad. The Doctor looked ready to go into full on Avenger Mode, so that was out, and Tom would most likely make the situation worse. _

_ Raven was standing next to him, telling him to just let her take front, that everything would be okay and she could take care of it. Alex didn’t trust Raven as far as he could spit, but right now that was looking very tempting. _

_ “What did you think you were DOING?!” Gibbs roared. _

_ And Alex shut his eyes and sprinted from front. _

Raven stood where Alex had been, calmly assessing the situation. Someone was out to get them, and normally she’d be relieved; after all they deserved every last bit of misfortune thrown their way. But today they were also out to get  _ her _ , and she had done nothing wrong. “I didn’t do anything,” she said honestly, testing the waters to see what kind of reaction that would get.

Gibbs’ nostrils flared and he took her by her jacket lapels. Instantly her mind adjusted to the violent reaction and she shoved Gibbs off her, straightening her suit jacket. New plan: all she had to do was agree with whatever Gibbs wanted, without getting the body hurt, and everything would be okay. She could mirror any abuse she was given, and inform the others what they needed to do to conform. They didn’t always listen to her, but that was  _ their _ fault, not hers.

Not by a long shot.

“You  _ do not _ do that!” Gibbs said, gesturing out to the bullpen.

Raven thought back to what Alex was doing, essentially sassing back Tony, throwing paper at him, and most recently, being a  _ tease _ . Ah, she saw the problem.

“It won’t happen again,” she said. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Gibbs squinted at her and she stood still, letting him make the first move. She could deal with Alex later, but she needed to get out of here alive before she could threaten to break every bone in Alex’s body. “Who am I speaking to?”

“Raven,” she said calmly.

Gibbs’ body language changed drastically. He tensed up, posture going ramrod straight to try and make himself taller. Raven wasn’t feeling like her height advantage was going to help much in this situation. “You’re the one...Tim said wanted to hurt Tony yesterday.”

Raven didn’t know how she was supposed to respond to that. “That was yesterday,” she tried.

“You often violent?” Gibbs asked.

“Only to the people who deserve it,” Raven said simply. “If someone says that another person needs straightening out, I’ll help straighten them out. It’s my prime directive, so-to-speak.”

“That...doesn’t sound good,” Gibbs said.

“No?” Raven asked.

“No,” Gibbs agreed.

“I won’t be violent to you,” Raven said. “I mostly straighten out the system; sometimes people outside need to be talked to so I do that, in order that  _ they _ can straighten out the others.”

Gibbs looked like he was suddenly going to be sick. “So you...fix the others’ behavior?” he asked.

“Yes,” Raven said.

“Even...even the toddler’s?”

Raven shrugged. “Luca often doesn’t need straightening out. And he’ll listen to me if I order something. So it’s unlikely he would ever get hurt, seeing as how he’ll adjust his behavior to what we need to not get hurt bodily.”

Gibbs still looked sick. “You can’t do that anymore.”

“Do what?” Raven asked.

“Hurt him. You’re not allowed to hurt him. Ideally you shouldn’t hurt the others, either, but you especially can’t hurt him,” Gibbs said.

Raven scoffed. “You think you can just control me like that?” she brushed off. “Telling me what to do? No risk of punishment if I don’t listen? It gets nothing done.”

Gibbs stared at her. “Sounds like you’re advocating for punishment,” he said, his voice tip-toeing around any potential explosives.

“For the others, absolutely,” Raven agreed. “I can switch front any time. That includes if you’re trying to get to me without proper reason, so you’d do best to respect me.”

“Great,” Gibbs sighed. “I have a toddler who  _ can’t _ switch and a couple knuckleheads who are experts at it, and where’s Tim in all of this?!”

“Have you never considered that maybe he doesn’t want to deal with you anymore?” Raven asked, voice falsely sweet.

“No,” Gibbs said. “Because he wouldn’t. I know him, he wouldn’t do that.”

Raven laughed. “You don’t know him any more than you know me! That backbone you think you see is Clara, the mischief is Alex, the anger is me! Tim is nothing but a hollow shell we all function in.”

Gibbs growled and Raven inwardly smirked. If she stopped right here, she could still identify who she needed to aggravate and who she needed to blindly follow, but why stop after what Tim had done to her when he was first coming around? May as well make him pay after all these years. “Tim is  _ dead _ , Gibbs,” Raven laughed. “He’s nothing more than a ruse for us to fit into. The fact that we just happen to be switching all the time now? You don’t believe in coincidences, come on!”

“I don’t,” Gibbs agreed. “I  _ do _ , however, believe in tipping points, and liars, and when Tim hit his tipping point, I believe everyone went scrambling for whatever purchase they could get. Big boss is out of the house, leaves some space for everyone to try and do what they want. Including  _ you _ ,” Gibbs growled. “And you, while you have an expertise in lying, still can’t fool me.”

Raven laughed. “You think I’m trying to trick you? I’ve heard it straight from the horse's mouth a million times! ‘I never should have come here, Clara, why did you make us stay to fix the computer system? Why did I agree to drive all the way from Norfolk half a dozen times, just to wind up getting shot at? After everything Tony’s done, remind me why I don’t just let Raven kill him?’ He hates everyone here, Gibbs, you’re not doing him any favors trying to talk for him!”

Gibbs stood there, nostrils flared, and Raven considered this a job well done. She turned on the elevator and turned to the door, not saying anything. She knew how to imitate Tim just enough the others would believe her over Gibbs if he said who was fronting. Then she could do something to get them out of here for good.

Tim was yelling at her in the back of their mind, but she didn’t pay attention to him. Served him right after sending her out here before locking her up for years. The others were petrified of her...because of  _ him _ . He was as good as dead.

To be quite honest, the idea of going back there and strangling him herself...felt really,  _ really _ appealing. But in order to do that she’d have to give up front. And she didn’t want to give up front if she could help it. Not when everyone else was still scared of her.

She stalked out of the elevator and went back to Tim’s desk, considering if she should actually work or not. Deciding against it, she pulled out a legal pad and a pencil and sketched a drawing. It wasn’t much of anything except morbid, a figure who looked to be hanging himself. But it was a catharsis, so she didn’t stop.

By the time she sensed someone coming over she had filled over half the page with scenes of death, some of them peaceful, some of them rather violent. “Wow, Tim, you certainly have  _ no _ drawing skill whatsoever,” Tony laughed.

Raven blinked once, before grabbing Tony’s right hand and slamming it hard against the edge of the desk, and he cried out in pain. “Doubt you could do much either, now,” she calmly said.

“Hey!” Gibbs exclaimed.

Tony’s nostrils flared and he forced Raven out of her seat. “Who do you think you are?!” he yelled.

Raven blinked, absorbing this new information. Gibbs was someone she had to appease in order to keep the body safe, but...Tony mirrored the same principles of abuse she had received all her life. Maybe it was just because he was mad, but she could make sure he stayed mad. She could just...accidentally do something to hurt him, he’d retaliate, and she could leave just in time for Tim to receive the beating. “I think I’m the one who’s sick of your crap,” she said.

Tony growled and grabbed her by her lapels, and Gibbs ran over, ripping him off her. “Break it up!” he ordered. “Tony, that’s not Tim!”

Scoffing, Tony focused on Gibbs. “He responded to it.”

“ _ She _ is setting you up!” Gibbs exclaimed. “Don’t let her!”

Tony looked over to her and she sneered. But when he turned back to Gibbs, he just turned on his heel and stalked to his desk. Gibbs turned to her. “Raven--”

“Who’s Raven? I don’t know her,” Raven snarled.

“ _ Raven _ ,” Gibbs said with more force. “Calm down.”

“I am calm,” Raven said. “You don’t want to see me angry.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Gibbs said. “But you can  _ never _ hurt another member of this team, you understand? You won’t be the only one paying for that if that’s the case.”

“Good,” Raven snorted. “You honestly think I’d let the other  _ jokes _ of alters in this head get away scott-free?”

“No. Which is why  _ everyone _ will be meeting me in the gym next time you screw up. Starting with Luca.”

Raven’s smile dropped, and her eyes hardened. “You wouldn’t dare,” she warned.

“Oh, I would,” Gibbs said. “I’m doing you a favor, aren’t I? You’re the one who wants the others to burn.”

“Luca isn’t the one who needs fixing!” she exclaimed. “He listens to me already and he stays away from front if he thinks the body is about to be abused!  _ He _ doesn’t need  _ any _ reform!”

She was shaking in anger as Gibbs calmly asked, “And who, then, is the one who needs fixing?”

“None other than your little favorite,” she spat. “Tim needs some fine-tuning, has done since Alex made him!”

Gibbs laughed. “Tim’s one of the best agents I’ve had in quite a while. And I know he’s not just a shell. He didn’t punch Tony for years, he didn’t run and hide in Abby’s lab when I got mad, he didn’t wander the halls for hours afterwards. So you’re the only one with an issue about him strong enough to want him dead. What did he do, huh? How did he hurt you?”

Raven growled and glared at Gibbs, a silent warning to stop this line of questioning.

“I’m waiting for an answer, Raven,” he said. “What did he do? Trust you to get some important piece of work done? Badmouth you on accident without realizing who you were? Keep himself safe by preventing you from lashing out all these years at work? Hm? What did he do?”

“Just drop it!” Raven yelled. “You don’t know what he put me through, and you have no right to tell me who I can and can’t be angry at!”

“Well, actually, I can, if it means bodily harm is going to happen to the person you’re angry at,” Gibbs said cooly. “It’s your choice. You can tell me what he’s done, or you can continue to act out, and you and I can meet downstairs in the gym, where I can get Luca to front and we can go a couple rounds. Which will it be, huh?”

Raven fumed. There was nothing Gibbs could do about this, even if he tried. If he forced her to leave front she’d just make sure Tim went dormant then and there, to ensure that if she couldn’t front, he couldn’t either. Clara was yelling at her, trying to force her away from front, away from this situation. Luca was sobbing at the thought about going three rounds with Gibbs. Tom was talking with Alex, presumably formulating an apology for getting all of them in this mess. The Doctor was ready to lash out at Gibbs the way he was glaring at their boss, and Tim. Tim, the object of all her hatred, was standing there, calmly, waiting for her to leave front. Well, if he wanted to deal with his boss when he was angry, it was one less thing she’d have to force him to do and be punished for, so she scowled, stormed into headspace, and let Tim into the front.

Tim put a hand to his head at the sheer amount of information he was suddenly receiving, and looked at Gibbs, who was still scowling at him. “Boss?” he asked. “What happened?”

“Tim? What did you do to Raven to get her so mad at you?” he asked.

“Ha! Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve tried to keep her out of front, not that she often wants to be up here, so that she can’t destroy us, but she hasn’t gone through proper abuse since...” Tim paled. “Oh. Oh h--”

“What?” Gibbs asked.

Tim looked at him in horror. “Since I told my father I wasn’t joining the Navy and he nearly beat her to death when she took over to handle the backlash.”


	5. Chapter 5

Gibbs stared at him with an expression that was a combination of horror and shock. “Wh...why would your father beat you for that?!” he eventually choked out.

Tim shrugged. “Disappointed in us, I guess.”

Bishop stared at him in pure and simple horror. “Tim, that’s not normal. Fathers aren’t supposed to beat anyone, let alone their kids.”

Tony was watching silently, and Tim looked around. He couldn’t read anyone’s emotions on the situation, and he had absolutely nothing to work off here. He shrugged. “Well, he did. It’s done. Everyone up here adapted to it, more or less. I’m going to get back to work, if that’s all right.”

Gibbs grabbed him by the shoulder. “No, it’s  _ not _ all right. You just said one of your headmates nearly got  _ beaten to death _ and you just want to move on?”

“It happened,” Tim said with a shrug. “She took it all the time. At home, at school, she gladly took front to keep the body safe and would torment everyone else when she got back into headspace. What more is there to say? The only thing about this that was different was the severity of the attack.”

Gibbs was speechless for a few seconds, before he yelled, “If you treated  _ me _ that way after I tried what I could to help you I’d want you dead, too!”

“Wow, how reassuring,” Tim said, removing Gibbs’ hand from his shoulder. “We’ve tried talking with her. She blames me for not joining the Navy and being the good little soldier Dad always wanted. She blames Alex for not wanting to grow up and making me so independent of her wishes. She blames Clara for not stepping in to try and stop our dad, even though Clara’s the one who patched us up and called the cops. Not that they did anything. She blames everyone but herself. We would have helped if she asked.”

“Fault on all sides,” Gibbs said. “Which means you’re not an innocent here! Don’t act like one!”

“What, you agree with her?” Tim asked, crossing his arms.

“No, but I do think the fact that you have decided to shut her out and won’t give her a second chance to be anything but the bad guy means you are just as much to blame for her behavior as she is,” Gibbs shot back. “How would you behave if you were ignored, denied access to control when you were designed to have control over  _ something _ , no matter how small it actually may be, and then antagonized and badmouthed at every turn?”

Tim glared at Gibbs. “That’s not an excuse for the way she tries to ruin all our lives.”

“I’m not making excuses for her, I’m trying to get you to empathize with her!” Gibbs exclaimed.

“You never have us do that at work, why is now any different?!” Tim asked. “The people we put away are human too, but they’re not good people! We lock them up so they can’t hurt others! The same principle applies to Raven!”

“She’s as much a part of you as anyone else in your head is!” Gibbs said.

“Which means she’s not me at all!” Tim snapped. “We’re different people, boss! Wrap your head around that or don’t expect us to stick around.”

_ “Tim? Why is everyone yelling?” _ Luca asked, tugging on Tim’s pant leg.

With a sigh, Tim tried to come up with a simple explanation of everything that was going on.  _ “Everyone at work is a little confused about how we work together and why Raven isn’t let up front,” _ Tim said.  _ “It’s just frustrating everyone and some people get mad faster than others, so they sometimes yell when they get worked up.” _

Luca leaned on Tim’s legs.  _ “Can I cofront and see if I can help? I pinkie promise to leave if things go bad.” _

Tim shook his head.  _ “Luca, you can’t promise that when you get frontstuck so easily. And if something bad happens, we want you away from where we can get hurt.” _

Luca sighed and nodded.  _ “Okay...but I want to talk to Ellie again sometime. She’s nice and I like her.” _

Tim smiled and nodded against his better judgement before refocusing on the outside. Gibbs was still staring at him after his declaration. If he had said something, Tim would have heard, so Gibbs was just...what, then? Stalling? Didn’t fit his character. Waiting for Tim to make his next move? All his cards were on the table. Tim checked the time. It was three in the afternoon and they still hadn’t made a dent in their case. So why was he just standing here?

“Okay, look, boss. I put you on the spot. So, I’ll give you two weeks. That’s how much vacation time I have, and I’ll be cashing it in as of tomorrow morning. The choice is yours,” Tim said. “Now, I  _ really _ should get back to work on this case.”

He went back to his desk and picked up seamlessly from where Alex had left off, and was relieved to see that Alex was actually doing a very good job of everything before he left front.

Gibbs was glaring at him but Tim wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him. He had said what he wanted to say, and that was that.

_ “You know that’s a bit extreme,” _ Clara said, voice soft but leaving no room for argument.

Tim shrugged to her.  _ “Maybe,” _ he allowed.  _ “But do you honestly have a better idea? He’s going to upset the very VERY unstable balance we managed to strike up around here. If everyone starts fighting over who needs to front when again, I could go dormant. My whole FUNCTION is to host. If someone else does that, then what am I?” _

Clara didn’t respond for a long while, before she finally said,  _ “You probably have the strongest moral compass out of all of us, you know? Even The Doctor has too many gray areas when it comes to getting even with anyone who tries to get to us.” _

Tim sighed and shook his head.  _ “What use is a moral compass if no one listens to it?” _ he asked.

_ “I listen to you,” _ Clara said.

_ “You’re the only one.” _

Clara moved away from front and left Tim to work, which he did for another two hours. Running all the searches he could, checking BOLOs, anything and everything electronic he could think of doing, he tried, and they were left no closer to the solution to their little problem.

When it was time to leave for the day, Tim grabbed his stuff and got ready to go, only to hear Gibbs say, “You can’t leave yet.”

Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning to face Gibbs. “My work day ended. I’m done. Unless you’re firing me, then I’m going home, cashing in on my vacation days, and trying to keep everyone from killing each other. See you.”

Bishop stared as he walked out and no sooner than when he was in the elevator with the doors closed, she texted him.  _ You k? _

He rolled his eyes and smiled.  _ Fine. Tired _

_ I’m worried. _

_ Don’t be _ he replied quickly.

_ Doing something 2nite? _

Tim thought it over. He didn’t really have any plans, but he didn’t want to go out.  _ Might watch a movie or something. If you come over Luca might say hi _

_ Count me in! :) _ she immediately replied.

Tim chuckled and walked out of the elevator and to the parking garage. He was exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to rest at home for an hour or two before Bishop came over.

His phone chirped another text alert, and he thought it might be from Bishop, but frowned in confusion when he saw it was Tony instead.  _ R u crazy?! Gibbs on the warpath now!!! _

_ Not my problem. Not for 2 weeks _ Tim replied.

_ It IS your problem McGenius! He’s gonna come after u! _

Tim rolled his eyes and got to his car, getting in before replying.  _ Your concern is touching...I’m fine _

Tony didn’t reply for a few seconds and Tim started the car before he got the next message.  _ Sorry about 2day. Case + this thing = bad headaches. Reacted to it badly _

Tim sniffed a laugh and shook his head. Only Tony...  _ Rule 6 _

_ So we good? _

Tim typed out a  _ For now ;) _ and made his way home quickly. He wanted to clean up a bit before Bishop came over, just so that they could walk across the floor without feeling like they were in the middle of a minefield. Alex was supposed to clean the floor their last weekend off, and had obviously just made it worse.

When he got inside his apartment, he did a cursory look-around and confirmed no one had been inside since he left, before getting to work. The first thing that needed to be cleaned up was miscellaneous clothes that had missed the laundry basket the last time he took a trip to the laundromat. He picked up every last one, from the sock that was missing a pair, to the boxers he couldn’t remember owning, to the old MIT t-shirt he slept in most nights.

After he did that, but before he got anything else done, he pulled out one of Alex’s records and played it through the apartment, deciding that if Alex were a little happier hearing the music he loved and Tim didn’t outright hate, maybe some of his energy would rub off on Tim.

He was washing dishes when Clara started talking to him again.  _ “Are you sure this is the right path to choose?” _

“Clara, you know as well as I do that if I want to keep going in my life, that I have to host. If Gibbs messes with us, that could be taken away and I don’t know what my purpose would be outside hosting!” Tim said.

_ “There are plenty of things you could do,” _ Clara said.  _ “I know for a fact that you would have fun taking care of Luca and geeking out over space with him. And Tom always loves talking shop with you. Not to mention Alex started out like you are now, and he stopped hosting and he’s fine.” _

“He  _ chose  _ to stop hosting,” Tim pointed out. “That’s different.”

Clara sighed.  _ “Yeah, I know...” _

Tim frowned. Clara did have a point. This was a bit drastic, but he didn’t see any other way he could get out of this. Time was the best way to help people forget. And if Gibbs didn’t forget...he supposed he’d just have to leave.

Before he knew what was going on, his chest was heaving and he felt himself teetering on the edge of a panic attack. This was the first safe place he had really found since...forever. He couldn’t think of any place or anyone he had felt that he had  _ clicked with _ since he had joined NCIS, and he knew there was nowhere and no one before he had joined. Was he really going to give up the best thing in his life because there was a  _ chance _ he would go dormant otherwise?

He didn’t know. He put a hand to his forehead as his eyes stung. He could hear Clara clear as ever next to him.  _ “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, Tim. It’s okay. We’re okay. It’s okay.” _

Somehow, that seemed impossible for Tim to wrap his head around. Safety was a luxury when he was a child that he could not find. As an adult he didn’t have it in his job, he only had it in headspace. “Maybe it would be better if I just went dormant and let someone else host,” he muttered, continuing to do the dishes all the same.

_ “Don’t talk like that!” _ Clara said.  _ “Of course you shouldn’t go dormant! It may not always seem like it, but we need you here! No one else could keep this wreck of a body going as well as you have!” _

Tim shook his head. “You guys didn’t even want me to be anything more than a front to put up around Dad. I was never supposed to even  _ be _ here! The only reason I exist is because Alex had an existential crises and split to preserve himself!”

Clara shook her head and hugged him in headspace, which felt weird considering Tim could feel the pressure on their physical body when no one was there.  _ “Shush, Tim. You felt like this when you first formed, and you were fine then. You’ll be fine here, too.” _

“How can you be so sure?” Tim rasped.

_ “Ask your friends, your coworkers. You have connections who care about you, Tim. They’d care if you went dormant, and you would never make them grieve over you if you could help it. You’re strong enough to fight for your place as host if you need to, if it means seeing your friends every day. And I know you barely remember when you first split off and fronted, but the proud grin you had when you figured out how everything worked and what you wanted to do? None of us, not even Raven, could have felt anything but pride for you then. You’re important to us, Tim. We could never let you go dormant.” _

Tim sniffed and shook his head, setting the last of the dishes he was washing on the drying rack. The apartment looked at least a little bit presentable and he felt just a little bit better after talking to Clara. He could do this.

There was a knock at the door and Tim smiled. “That’s probably Bishop,” he said to no one in particular.

He answered it and Bishop stood on the other side, grinning. “Hey!” she said, wrapping her arms around him for a hug. “Good to see you outside of a work setting!”

Tim laughed, and all the tightness in his chest completely disappeared. “Yeah, same here!”

“You pick the movie, I’ll make the popcorn?” she offered.

Tim grinned, feeling Luca itching to take front. “You mind if you watch it with Luca tonight? He’s very eager to talk, and I don’t know if cofronting will be an option tonight.”

“That’s fine!” Bishop exclaimed. “I’ll make the popcorn, you and Luca can work out what movie we’ll watch then.”

Tim let her in and closed the door behind her, ready for a friendly evening in.


	6. Chapter 6

### Main Fronts:

All it took was a quick picking out of some of Luca’s favorite movies to get him to front entirely, and he placed them all on the floor, sitting in front of the DVD cases, analyzing them all intently. He loved  _ Monster’s Inc., _ but he also couldn’t forget  _ The Lion King, _ and of course he was a fan of  _ How to Train Your Dragon. _ On top of that, he doubted Ellie had seen any of them and he wanted to introduce her to all of them all at once! He flopped onto his back and groaned.

“Everything okay there?” Ellie called.

“I dunno which movie to pick!” Luca whined.

Ellie walked out of the kitchen with popcorn and laughed when she saw Luca. “Hi, Luca.”

“Hi Ellie,” he said. “Have you seen  _ Monster’s Inc. _ or  _ The Lion King _ or  _ How to Train Your Dragon _ ?”

“Yes to  _ The Lion King, _ no to  _ How to Train Your Dragon _ ...and  _ Monster’s Inc. _ rings a bell but I can’t remember if I’ve actually seen it.”

Luca nodded, deep in thought. “Okay...” he muttered. “Um...I still dunno, but I think maybe  _ Monster’s Inc. _ to see if you’ve seen it? Is that okay?”

Ellie smiled and nodded. “Sounds good! Do you know how to work the DVD player?”

Luca gave Ellie an offended look. “I’m  _ two _ , not  _ stupid _ .”

“Most two-year-olds don’t know how to do that,” Ellie pointed out as Luca went to the TV and worked the DVD player.

“Collective memory,” Luca grunted as he swapped DVDs and looked for the case of  _ Rear Window _ .

“What?” Ellie asked.

“All of us remember everything else the others do,” Luca said, still looking around. “We don’t have the...uh...diss-oc-i-a-tive am-ne-sia.”

“So you remember what Tim did earlier today?” Ellie asked.

Luca stiffened. “Yes...” he said cautiously.

“Do you agree with him?” Ellie asked.

Luca froze. A trembling started from his soul and spread throughout his body. He turned to her, hands shaking hard enough to nearly drop the DVD. “I’m not allowed to say.”

Ellie frowned. “Not allowed? Of course you’re allowed! You have opinions, you can share them!”

Luca shook his head. “Not if I want Raven to stay nice. She’s mostly nice but if I say I like Tim’s idea better, she gets like Daddy was.”

Ellie looked concerned and took a step forward, but Luca took a step back. He had said too much already, and even if Ellie was just trying to be nice, she was going to make everything worse.

Ellie stopped, holding her hands out. “Sorry that I made you uncomfortable, Luca. I didn’t realize you didn’t want to say anything, and we don’t have to talk about it anymore. Do you just want to watch the movie?”

Luca nodded, but then shrugged. “I kinda wanna talk...not about that thing! Just like...in general, ‘cause I don’t front lots and it’s fun to talk.”

“Okay,” Ellie said, smiling. “Then what would you like to talk about?”

Luca shrugged, then brightened. “Oh! Do you know about Alice?” he asked.

Ellie shook her head. “I don’t think so...I don’t remember Tim saying anything about an Alice before.”

Luca grinned and ran into his bedroom, grabbing a patchwork dog off the pillow and showing it proudly to Ellie. “This is Alice!” he said proudly. “She keeps the bad monsters away in the dark!”

Ellie grinned. “Oh, she’s adorable! It’s very nice to meet her!”

Luca grinned and rocked from foot to foot. He loved getting to talk to Ellie, especially when no one was trying to front after him. “She feels the same way,” he said shyly.

Ellie laughed. “Do you wanna play the movie and talk during it? Or just talk? Either way is fine.”

“Just talk?” Luca asked hopefully.

Ellie nodded. “Okay. We still have popcorn, though, and we may as well make the most of it, right? How about we get settled on the couch?”

Luca faltered. He  _ was _ allowed to eat, right? He knew popcorn could be bad for your teeth, but it was small enough that if he had a few pieces maybe no one would notice? He hoped that was the case. “Mkay,” he said.

_ “It’s okay to eat, Luca,” _ Tim said softly.  _ “Daddy isn’t here, and Raven won’t be mad at you if you need to have a snack, or even a full meal. We all share the body, you’re taking care of her too when you do that.” _

Luca nodded, and Ellie looked at him funnily. “I didn’t say anything?” she asked.

“Tim did,” Luca said simply, sitting down on the couch and hugging Alice. Suddenly talking to an adult felt very scary.

“You can hear Tim?” Ellie asked.

“Mhm,” Luca hummed. “Can hear everyone who’s talking to me if I focus.”

“Wow, that’s cool!” Ellie said, smiling, encouraging him.

Luca felt a knot loosen in his chest and he smiled back. “It is, kinda. Did you know that I’m the one who made some of the others?”

“Really?” Ellie asked, face turning interested.

“Yeah!” Luca said with a nod. “Sometimes bad things would happen to...sometimes bad things would happen. Back when I was Tim. And when the bad things were over, Clara was the one who would clean me up and make sure that I was okay. And after a little while, when I knew something bad was gonna happen, Raven started to front during the bad things so I wouldn’t have to feel it. Except...I never really knew when the bad things were going to happen then, because...Daddy did them, and sometimes Daddy would be around lots, sometimes not at all. So Alex showed up to make sure that when we were around Daddy, I didn’t have to deal with him. Instead Alex could be brave and deal with him. So Alex was Tim then, because Alex was out more, and I just got to play in my room sometimes, but not lots. And Alex made the others! He really liked  _ Doctor Who _ and The Doctor would make sure the bad guys got what they deserved, so The Doctor came to help us!

“And when Alex started writing lots and reading lots to avoid Daddy, he accidentally made Tom! Because he saw this amazing author with best-selling books and fantastic fans, but he didn’t see himself doing it. So instead of him, he had Tom do it. And when Alex was about to turn eighteen, he decided he didn’t want to front anymore, so he made now-Tim to do it. And Tim’s been doing it ever since, and he’s, like, super super good at it! He makes sure all of us are as happy and safe as we can be, while still doing stuff day-to-day!” Luca leaned back into the couch. “I really really like Tim. I also really really like Raven, though, and Clara, and everyone! They’re all super nice to me!”

Ellie was smiling, but her eyes looked sad. “I’m glad they’re there to help you,” she said softly.

Luca nodded. “They’re super important to me.”

“They sound like it,” Ellie said. Her eyes looked sadder, if that was possible.

Luca frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Ellie shook her head. “It’s nothing, Luca. No reason to worry.”

Well, that made him worry even more. He gripped Alice tightly. “No. Something’s wrong. What is it?”

Ellie shrugged. “You know...most kids your age just don’t have to deal with that. It doesn’t seem fair that someone as sweet as you had to be put through something so horrible.”

Luca sank into the couch cushions, curling in on himself. “If it didn’t happen though...I wouldn’t exist, and neither would the others. We’d be someone completely different. And I like the others, and they seem to like me. How bad can all this really be if I got them out of it?”

“Most people’s minds don’t...quite literally shatter, Luca,” Ellie said. “It was bad.”

Luca curled in further. “I know,” he said softly. “But I like to pretend it’s not that bad. That maybe I could be normal, you know? Everyone who hosts has.”

Ellie bit her lip, and Luca wanted to cry. He didn’t want to make Ellie of all people upset, but it looks like that was exactly what he had done. “Am I allowed to hug you?” she asked.

Luca stared at the floor as he nodded. “Please?” he asked softly.

Ellie wrapped her arms around him and he sighed, burying his head in her shoulder. Whenever he thought about what happened to them, he got a lot of big and confusing emotions that he couldn’t understand. Ellie rubbed his shoulder and said softly, “You know who might like to watch movies with us?”

Luca sat up and played with Alice in his lap. “Who?”

“Tony. I know he was mean to you earlier, but I’m sure if I told him what was going on he’d play nice, and you might even learn some things about your favorite movies you didn’t know before! Is it okay if I call him?”

Luca considered. Tony had been mean...but he also had apologized to Tim for what he did, so he couldn’t be all bad. He shrugged. “If you wanna. He has to play nice, though!”

“Of course,” Ellie said, nodding as she brought out her phone. “If he doesn’t I’ll kick him out myself.”

Luca giggled at that and brought up Alice’s head to his mouth. He started to chew on her ear as he listened to Ellie’s conversation with Tony. “Hey, Tony! Guess where I am?...Okay, that was a pretty good guess. Now, guess who I’m with...nope!...Nope again! It’s Luca, and he said he didn’t mind if you came over and watched a movie with us!...No, it’s gonna be a kids’ movie, are you nuts? Have you heard of  _ Monster’s Inc. _ ?” Ellie put a hand over the phone’s mouthpiece and said, “He’s heard of it!”

Luca grinned excitedly. “Ask him how long it would take for him to come over?”

Ellie nodded and took her hand off the phone. “How quickly can you get over here...? Fifteen minutes? Okay, we’ll be here.”

Luca was bouncing with excitement as Ellie said bye to Tony. “This is gonna be so much fun!” He exclaimed excitedly. “I can’t wait!”

Ellie grinned. “Your excitement is infectious, Luca,” she said.

Luca nodded proudly. “I know! Oh! Um, could you help me get juice?” he asked. “I can’t do it without spills.”

Ellie nodded. “Sure! You have cups in the kitchen, right?”

Luca nodded and stood, leading the way there and opening a cabinet closest to the refrigerator, pulling out a sippy cup with lions and zebras and giraffes on it. “I really like this one, and Tim likes that I don’t spill juice everywhere when I use it. But I can’t pour the juice in or work the cap right.”

“Okay,” Ellie said, nodding and opening the refrigerator. “What kind of juice would you like?”

“Cranberry?” Luca requested. “It’s really good!”

Ellie frowned as she looked in the refrigerator, before making a triumphant noise and pulling out the juice carton. She poured some of the juice into the cup and screwed on the lid, handing it to Luca.

There was a knock on the door and the two looked over, Luca going to answer it with Alice tucked in his elbow and mouth around the spout of the cup. When he opened the door Tony stood there for a second, blinking. “Uh...Luca?” he asked hesitantly.

Luca grunted and took the cup out of his mouth. “‘That’s my name, don’t wear it out!’ That’s what Alex used to say whenever anyone repeated his name.”

Tony grinned and stepped inside when Luca took a step back. “Nice to uh...meet you, I guess. Sorry about being a jerk earlier.”

“S’okay, so long as you don’t steal Alice,” Luca said, closing the door.

“Alice?” Tony asked.

“His dog,” Ellie supplied, walking out of the kitchen. “Now, don’t we have a movie to watch?”

Luca jumped. “I forgot about that!” he exclaimed, running into the living room and sitting in the center of the couch.

Ellie laughed as she came over and sat on his right. Tony followed her in slower, blinking repeatedly and settling himself on Luca’s left. Luca himself wiggled excitedly, reaching for the TV remote on the table and pressing the power button. “I love love  _ love _ this movie!” he told Tony. “Have you seen it?”

“Have I seen it, he asks,” Tony scoffed. “I’ve seen every Pixar movie ever released on DVD! And most on VHS!”

Luca’s eyes widened. “Really?!” he asked.

“Better believe it, kid,” Tony said with a slight smile. “Now come on, start the movie!”

Luca eagerly did so and all three settled in to watch. They passed around the popcorn and talked some during it, but Luca didn’t mind. This was  _ way _ more fun than watching it by himself!

When the movie ended, Luca was half-asleep and resting on Tony’s shoulder. Tony nudged him into a sitting position. “Hey, c’mon, kid, you should go to bed.”

“No...” Luca whined.

“You really should if you’re half-asleep, Luca, we can always come see you and the others tomorrow after work if you need to.”

Luca whined again.

Tony sighed and picked Luca up bridal style, causing him to squeak and hold onto Alice for dear life. “Time to go to bed, kid,” he said, walking into the bedroom and setting Luca down on the bed as he pulled back the covers. “You can text us tomorrow if you’re still...uh, in control. We’ll text back when we can. Otherwise, we can hang out again real soon, okay?”

Luca sighed and crawled under the covers, nodding.

“You’re gonna be okay, kid,” Tony said, ruffling Luca’s hair. “Just call if you need anything.”

“Mkay,” Luca mumbled, eyes already closing. “Tell Ellie I say ‘night.”

“I will,” Tony promised. “Night, Luca.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being radio silent again guys, I fully intended this to be a regularly-updated series, but my life had other plans. Know that I still want to work on this, though! It might just...take a while.

Main Fronts:

* * *

 

The next morning, Clara was the first one awake and thus the person to take front to find out who, exactly, was knocking on their door. She looked through the peephole to find Ducky standing on the other side, waiting patiently. Clara looked down to find that no one had changed out of yesterday’s clothes. She cringed slightly, but at least she was decent enough to open the door. “Hello, Ducky,” she said with a smile when she had undone the lock and was opening the door. “Can I help you?”

Ducky looked her up and down carefully, and said, “Your accent has changed slightly, my dear, I’d suggest you remedy that if you wish to pass for Timothy.”

Clara started. “I thought I had his speech pattern down,” she muttered as Ducky walked in.

“Oh, your pitch matches remarkably well,” he agreed. “But in straining your voice slightly to meet his vocal range, which I’m sure you’re not used to, some of your vowel sounds are altered and stretched, if you can reach them at all.”

Clara closed the door. “It’s difficult,” she agreed. “When all of us have one voice to operate behind yet all of us have slightly different ranges within that. It’s harder than you’d think to imitate each other. Sorry...who let you know about this?”

Ducky sent her a pointed  _ look _ . “You know better than for me to give up my sources.”

Clara groaned. “I’m going to  _ kill _ Abby.”

“If it’s any consolation, she only revealed what was going on after Gibbs stormed down to autopsy, exclaiming something was wrong with Timothy and he needed it fixed. She was coming to your defense, saying that none of you had any desire to leave or to...integrate?” at Clara’s nod, he continued. “And I was trying to get the full story out of Jethro to begin with, however I suspect had he been the one to inform me of this, it would have been put in a much more negative light.”

“Hardly  _ our _ fault that we rarely get to stretch our limbs and help Tim outside of headspace. He’s capable, and that’s not a problem, it just sometimes feels cramped and I miss being able to just...be once in a while,” Clara shrugged.

“Understandable,” Ducky said, nodding.

“Oh, where are my manners, can I get you anything to eat or drink?” she asked, going to the kitchen. “The Doctor insists on getting the good tea, none of that bagged stuff, so if you want...”

“That would be lovely my dear, thank you,” Ducky said. “If you happen to have any Earl Gray?”

Clara laughed. “As if I would drink anything else,” she said with a grin. “It’s my favorite kind. Luca prefers Christmas Cookie and other holiday novelty flavors, and that’s the only kind of bagged tea The Doctor will allow in the house, because he reasons that at least Luca is drinking something resembling tea, even if it isn’t actual tea. Sort of...like Tea Lite.”

Ducky chuckled. “Well, the introduction is better than nothing, I suppose. Timothy doesn’t seem to like it at all.”

Clara shrugged. “He’s finicky like that. He either likes something or doesn’t. Sometimes that opinion changes, but rarely is there an in-between.”

“He seems like a very black-and-white person,” Ducky acknowledged.

Clara stopped preparing the tea, squinted, and turned to face Ducky. “I know you’re psychoanalyzing me, Doctor Mallard.”

Ducky smiled. “Ah, well. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it.”

“You were. But I’m designed to sniff out anything underhanded someone might be doing. I’m not saying you can’t do it, however I would at least like you to be upfront with me about it.”

“That is a fair enough request, my dear, I apologize,” Ducky said.

Clara shrugged. “Clear communication is more important than a past issue. If you’re upfront with me from now on, then we won’t have a problem.”

Ducky hummed his agreement and Clara turned back to put the kettle on the stove. “So, about Timothy, then?” he asked.

“He’s an ANP, an Apparently Normal Part,” Clara said. “Designed to deal with the outside world. Alex split him, he grew into his role pretty quickly and gained his own personality and opinions pretty soon after. I say he’s the moral compass. He doesn’t object, but he does like to point out that no one but me actually listens to his sense of morality.”

“Is that true?” Ducky asked.

Clara sighed and mulled over her words. “Well, everyone has a mind of their own, obviously, but...Luca will listen to Tim on things like whether it’s a good or bad time to eat, when to go to the bathroom, when to apologize, you know, kind of like a parent would tell their child.” Ducky nodded, and Clara continued. “I, obviously, listen to him, because he sees the line between ‘ _ too far _ ’ and ‘ _ just intimidation _ ’ while I don’t. Given half the chance I will skin anyone who tries to hurt our family up here. Tim stops that. Alex, for all his rebellion, does take Tim into consideration more than he’d admit, and Tom adores Tim’s creativity; they love bouncing ideas off of each other. The Doctor usually only listens for as long as he finds out who hurt us and then goes off on that person rather violently. And Raven hates Tim’s guts, so she wouldn’t listen to him, but that’s just two out of seven. Good odds, all things considered.”

“I’m inclined to agree with you,” Ducky noted. “But Timothy, I take it, does not?”

“Mm. No,” Clara said with an exasperated smile and a shake of her head. “He doesn’t. Drives me up the wall sometimes, but that’s Tim for you. I don’t hold it against him.”

“Nor should you, I think,” Ducky said. “He is sometimes pessimistic and ridden with anxiety, but that’s what makes it all the more stunning when he comes out of his shell to ensure he does the job justice. Of course, I hardly need to tell you that, my dear.”

“No,” Clara agreed. “I’ve seen it myself plenty of times.”

The kettle whistled sharply and Clara removed it from the stove burner. She prepared two infusers and when they were both in their respective mugs, she poured the water in. Handing a mug to Ducky to let him steep his own tea, Clara smiled and gestured to the living room. “Come take a seat?”

“My joints thank you for your kind offer, my dear,” Ducky said. “Although, I still haven’t caught your name...”

Clara froze in place and facepalmed, and she could hear Tim snickering behind her in headspace. “It’s Clara, Ducky,” she said. “My name’s Clara.”

“I take it, then, that you’re female?” Ducky asked as both of them sat down on opposite ends of the couch.

“Yes, sir,” Clara said, playing with the infuser in her tea. “Born and raised...well, not raised female, but born female. Possibly resembling the body’s mother in character, if for no other reason than because she would take care of Luca and protect him back when he was the only one around. Then, of course, she couldn’t protect him anymore when the father saw fit to punish him, and he split to preserve himself best he could.”

Ducky’s expression was a cross between surprise and sorrow. “You formed from trauma?”

“Not as bad a trauma as some other systems we’ve found, but...yeah,” Clara said, sighing. “We’re traumagenic.”

“I...my dear girl...” Ducky stumbled over his words. “I am truly sorry.”

“Everyone is,” Clara said with a rueful smile. “Everyone except the one person who caused this, of course.”

Ducky grimaced like there was something he wanted to say, but was holding himself back from doing so. Clara arched an eyebrow at him as she took the infuser out of the tea and placed it on a stack of napkins on the coffee table. “Your father is a despicable man who should never have had the good fortune of children, and he especially should not have taken advantage of that gift by hurting you or anyone else in that head of yours,” Ducky proclaimed.

Clara benignly sipped her tea. “Agreed,” she said after a moment of deliberation. “But what’s done is done. And now we’re here. Making the most of life. And...well, I’m not going to complain about being alive, are you?”

“No, I suppose not,” Ducky said, taking a sip of his own tea before placing his infuser next to Clara’s. “I do wish you were not mistreated, but I understand the paradox between that wish and having you exist in the first place.”

Clara sighed. “Then you understand more than I do, Ducky, I still get hung up on that paradox daily.”

Ducky laughed. “Dear, I’m afraid I will have to start analyzing you and some of your friends up there, in particular Timothy.”

Clara took a breath and nodded. “Figures. Fire away,” she said, resigned.

“Ah, about Timothy...how serious do you think he is about moving jobs if Jethro does not change his opinion of how he views your...condition?”

Clara shrugged, sipping from her tea again. “I don’t know. I talked to him about it last night and he nearly had a panic attack at the thought of leaving the one place he naturally felt accepted. My guess is that he wouldn’t leave NCIS entirely, but he might move to a different team, or go back down to cyber. He can still fight the bad guys the way he wants to but he won’t have to fight Gibbs as well every day. Much as the man has a point,” she muttered the last sentence, rolling her eyes.

“Could you elaborate?” Ducky asked.

“Well, Tim’s been locking up Raven every chance he can get. We’re all guilty of it, because half of us are terrified of her and the other half don’t trust her. But I think that if we had a way to safely let her out and figure out what outlets could be healthy for her emotions she might be a valuable asset. Maybe even a secondary protector, specifically for Alex and Luca, possibly.” Clara shrugged. “The problem is finding that safe release, you know? We can’t find a way to let her out without her trying to destroy Tim’s life yet.”

“She hates him that much, hm?” Ducky asked.

“Well, I don’t know if you heard the circumstances surrounding their first switch, but long story short, Tim said he wasn’t joining the Navy, Raven took over the second our father looked murderous and nearly beat her to death. Raven blames Tim for not going into the Navy, Tim blames Raven for going out to handle it on her own in the first place, not realizing that’s what she had been doing for years before he formed. She never asked for help because it never occurred to her she could get it. But to Tim it was painfully obvious, and it’s just a really bad case of crossed wires, and now we can’t let Raven front because she is just...dead set on destroying Tim.”

Ducky looked her over. Clara realized she was hunched in on herself and stretched out, taking another sip of her tea. “I say this in the strictest confidence, of course. Were you to tell this to Gibbs, there is no predicting what he might do and that, more than anything else, worries me,” she added.

“My dear girl...have you ever considered going to a therapist?” Ducky asked.

“Every therapist I’ve researched that has experience with this advocates for integration, which we don’t want. We’re perfectly happy being multiple, though it’s hard for others to wrap their head around,” Clara explained. “So while a therapist might help with Raven’s release or Luca’s anxiety, we really don’t want to integrate which always seems to be their end goal in our experience.” With a shudder, she said, “I can’t imagine being in headspace alone, that would just feel horrible!”

Ducky observed her closely and Clara sighed, anticipating Ducky’s next question being something about help. “Have you considered investing in a journal?” Ducky asked.

“I...no?” Clara asked, so taken aback by the question that the honest answer slipped out immediately.

“Maybe if you let each other release emotions in a controlled environment such as a journal, your condition might improve?” Ducky proposed. “It could be a separate journal for each individual, or a single journal for everyone, or a combination of those two extremes. But it might prove beneficial.”

Clara blinked slowly, considering the proposal. She could feel Tom wanting to talk now, about everything he had written in journals over the years and all the ideas he wanted to pursue but never had the time. Putting a hand to her head, she calmly put her tea down on the table. “You just unleashed a beast, Ducky,” she said with a tight laugh.

“Oh?” Ducky asked. “How so?”

“Uh...we have this headmate, his name is Tom,” Clara said. “And he’s the uh, the writer and artist and generally everyone’s manifested creativity. But he loves to write the most out of anything.”

“Yes, well, considering he probably wrote those best-selling novels I’m hardly surprised,” Ducky said. “May I speak to him?”

Clara looked at Ducky incredulously. “You actually want to?”

“I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t,” Ducky said.

So Clara sighed, nodded, said, “It was nice to finally meet you, Doctor Mallard,” and left front.


End file.
